Working in a Taiwanese company has provided me with great insight into how things work here. I get to witness and participate in group decisions on a daily basis. On one hand it can be particularly frustrating because people are not forthcoming with their thoughts, or when they do say something, they try to say it in a way without rocking the boat. On the other hand, one can witness the deeply rooted attempts to maintain harmony at work: the principle of “不好意思” (bùhǎoyìsi). One example occurs daily at lunchtime, the question being “where should we eat lunch?”.

Then the following cycle occurs: one person makes a meek suggestion. Then the normal answer by the members of the group is “都可以啦” (dōu kěyǐ lā) which means “Yeah, sure, whatever.” My issue with this answer is that it carries no information concerning the person’s preference and does not help to bring the group closer to a decision.  In reality though, the real decision has subtly been made by whoever has chosen the direction that the group is walking in. As the group continues to walk in one direction, the choices for restaurants become fewer and fewer (some are full, others have been passed), until finally the decision has been made by somebody pointing out the obvious or making a safe suggestion based on the few remaining acceptable options.

While this way of decision-making is non-confrontational, do people really eat what they want to eat? Or does that really matter? After being here so long, I can feel that the harmony of the group is definitely more important socially than personal preferences, so much so that I feel like some significant part of my personality has faded away, relegated to the background like some embarrassing Halloween costume. I have become part of the “都可以啦” (dōu kěyǐ lā) crowd, conquered by the all-powerful “不好意思” (bùhǎoyìsi).