Assimilate or differentiate?

Just returned from a work junket in Japan and have observed some behavior on my part which exposes how culturally “flexible” I have become. Maybe “quick to assimilate” is a better way to describe it. I don’t necessarily think that’s a good thing. Perhaps there’s a point when one becomes so open-minded and flexible that one loses something of their own identity or personality.

I’ve become so used to capitulating to others that it’s like I don’t have any taste. When I say “taste”, I mean, my own likings, my favorites, my dislikes, etc. Instead, I just go along with what others like to do, or what they offer. I believe this is a habit that has developed during my time in Asia. My experience is that it helps to accept what others offer in order to warm a relationship up. Also, locals can offer a new experience and more insight into their culture. So what I like takes a backseat. The by-product of this continual acquiescence is a gradual, but noticeable fading of my own personality.

In the end, any healthy relationship must be based on a truth and honesty. Acquiescing to others, while helpful at the beginning of a relationship, may actually create distance later on between two parties.

Assimilating to a culture I guess is the next extension of acquiescence, though I guess it’s more subtle and much less conscious. In a way, after an extended period of time in a foreign culture, I believe assimilation is inevitable. To remain unchanged requires intense self-awareness and active resistance – an unnatural act which only makes one’s continuing presence in that culture less and less sustainable. Most people I’ve met in Korea and Taiwan have assimilated in certain ways and have resisted in others. They’ve found some sort of equilibrium between reaching out and guarding their identity. Others I’ve met (though few), actively defend against assimilation on all fronts and in turn make life miserable for themselves and others around them. Those are definitely not the travelling types.

I used to think that if one opened themselves up completely, then they could find their true “self.” But now, I’m not so sure. Maybe you just end up getting lost.